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Relationships aren’t always going to be fine 100% of the time. When you need to voice your concerns, here are some of the ways to go about it.
You don’t have to allow the relationship to deteriorate to the point of no return, just because you were too afraid to tell your partner that you’re unhappy.
#1 Think about why you’re unhappy. Before telling your partner that you are having some doubts about the state of your relationship, consider first why you feel this way. You can’t just tell them that you suddenly started feeling disconnected from them. You have to assess your own feelings so that you can process it together. It might just be a Loneliness Issue.
#2 Think of what you’re going to say. Don’t just present the problem to your partner and wing it. When you just blurt it out, your partner may not completely understand what you want to accomplish. If there’s any misunderstanding, the situation will be that much harder to fix.
#3 Prepare yourself for anything that can happen. Your partner may cry, get angry or even hurt you with their words. Finding out that the person you love is no longer happy can be very painful. Rational thinking might get thrown out the window because both your emotions are on overdrive.
#4 Be the bigger person. No matter what happens, don’t get baited into a fight. This conversation needs to happen and its purpose is to be honest with your partner. It is not meant to put the blame on anyone because you are both responsible for the relationship’s success. Be calm and explain yourself clearly. Don’t use harsh words and always be mindful of your partner’s feelings.
#5 Don’t leave anything out. Once your partner starts to get emotional, you might find yourself reluctant to say anything else. That’s a bad idea because not discussing the problem would mean that you caused your partner unnecessary pain. You started it, so you better finish it.
#6 Ask your partner what they want to do. Although you have your own views on how things should progress, you need to ask your partner what they want. Respect whatever it is they need. They may choose to end the relationship or work harder at it. Either way, you need to discuss it thoroughly before taking matters into your own hands.
#7 Tell them what you want. It’s a two-way street. The reason that you’re unhappy is because you want something that isn’t there. It could be affection, sex, more time together, more time apart or just about anything. If you don’t want to break up and they do, make them see that it’s not the solution you’re hoping for. If you want to break up and they don’t, make them understand why it’s better that way.
#8 Get closure. Don’t let the fight drag on for days or months. Make sure that you said everything that you needed to say. Allow them to tell you how they feel as well. If they need more time, give it to them. Just don’t let the issue die down without being resolved. Sweeping the problem under the rug gives it a potential to haunt you again in the future.
#9 Check on your partner. After talking about it, always check to see how your partner is doing. See if they are taking it well or if they’re starting to formulate new solutions. Remember that their happiness is at stake too.
#10 Review your relationship. If you chose to find a way to be happy again with your partner, observe the changes in your relationship. See if your discussion has helped in improving your feelings and connection. If nothing changes, you may need to discuss it again. If that fails, you may need to consider fixing the problem while you’re apart.
Just because you’re unhappy, doesn’t mean you should give up on the relationship. By talking to your partner about your problems, you can combine your efforts into making things right again. This is what a healthy relationship is all about.
By Danielle Anne Suliek