Nothing is ever as it seems. You may think that since your partner isn’t complaining about anything and neither are you; your relationship is going great. You could be wrong. There could possibly be something bothering you, but you keep brushing it off thinking that it’d probably go away. Similarly, your partner might be noticing things that they decide to ignore as well. There is also a chance that you might not even realise there’s something wrong even when it’s right in front of you.
When we’ve been in a relationship long enough, we tend to take it for granted at times. You need to constantly nurture it. We forget that relationships don’t last without any effort. With this in mind, try to notice the little changes there might be in your partner and yourself and how they’d affect your relationship.
Even if your relationship is seemingly fine, following are a few things if present, say otherwise.
1. The relationship is good as long as you have your way
Sure it’s great to have things done the way you like them. But a relationship isn’t just about one person. Why should they have to submit to your will when they might want something entirely different. You wouldn’t like it either if you were in their place. It just says that you’re not even acknowledging them as an equal partner. If you keep at it, you’re pretty much driving them away.
Try to do things differently. Create an environment where you two can talk about what you both want. Be open to what they want, and let them have their way for a change. As long as it makes them happy, you’re doing it right.
2. You keep to yourself
Keeping to yourself would mean keeping them out. You can’t possibly have a viable relationship without communication. You can’t expect them to understand you or what you’re going through unless you let them in on it. You’re only creating unnecessary distance which will harm the relationship. Feelings ought to be renewed every now and then, and what you would be doing will only cause them to fade.
3. The fear of losing them, because that would mean losing what they bring to the table (literally!)
You can’t bear the thought of breaking up with them, not only because you love them, but because when they leave, their things go with them as well. And you’ll never be able to spend time at their place, or see your mutual friends and the list may go on. You need to reflect on your relationship if losing such things supersedes losing your partner. If their presence or absence doesn’t make much difference then you have a lot to fix. The only worrisome thing about a break up should be that you want them in your life and that you’d miss them when they’re gone, most certainly not what they take with them.
4. You don’t take out time for them
Although you’re with them a lot, but you’re not present. You’re always busy doing something on the side. Either you’re on your phone or your computer or just about anything. Even though it’s ‘their’ time, they are not your focus.
There might be times when you just have to get things done, but then it shouldn’t become a routine. When you’re with them, they should be your focus. You shouldn’t be constantly consumed by anything else.
5. Mental cheating
If you allow your mind to make up situations that involve someone other than your partner, you’re cheating on them. Even if you’re not acting on them, it still counts as cheating. If you two have a good thing going there is no room for someone else, even in your fantasies. Why not fantasize about your partner instead. Maybe you could even act them out. It could be refreshing for you, for them and for the relationship too. So let your imagination run wild!
6. You don’t do IT as often
With time the frequency of sex in a relationship decreases. But you shouldn’t give up on it entirely. It’s more than just a physical connection. It leaves a much deeper impact on the two of you, and brings you even closer every single time. What better way to assure your partner that you still want them than actually showing them.
7. You no longer look forward to your dates
Your dates have started becoming more of a ritual lately. It feels more like a necessary exercise than a date. You’re not even bothered to plan your date out. You’re just doing it for the sake of doing it. It no longer excites you anymore.
This should be a wakeup call. Take out the time to decide on doing something different. Plan your dates for a change. Entertain no distractions. Experiment all you want.
8. You think they’ve become attention hungry
There was a time when you two couldn’t have enough of each other. Even if you two had met, you’d be on the phone for hours. But now even a single text from them every now and then comes off to be unnecessary. You think of it as a distraction from your demanding routine. You should reflect on why something that you loved, even craved a little while back is now bothersome. It’s just their way of reminding you that you’re on their mind and you should appreciate that.
9. You can’t stand their family
Like it or not, their family is going to be in the picture some way or the other. The wise thing to do is to at least try getting along with them. No one is perfect. There must be things you don’t like about them, but they might feel the same way about you too. When you come to accept the fact that your partner is the person they are because of their family, and they need them as much as they need you; you’ll find a way to work things out.
10. Thinking your relationship isn’t as good as others
Comparison comes naturally to people, in virtually everything they do or have. Some of us are comparing lifestyles or jobs, while some of us are comparing partners or relationships. This never helps; instead it creates baseless doubts and problems that don’t even exist.
So you come across a couple that sees each other very often and they tell you that’s the reason they’re so good together. Since, you can’t see your partner as often you start thinking that your relationship isn’t as strong or fulfilling, when in reality you might be doing even better than them.
Every relationship is different than the other, and it needs to be nurtured differently than other. Although all relationships require the same basic things to survive; affection, commitment and unconditional love and support. If this is something you share with your partner than that’s all you need. Even if the relationship has lost its spark, if the two of you want to, you can bring it back in no time.