As always, this one is going to be completely from my own experiences. Relationships are no walk in the park, you don’t just wake up one day thinking that your relationship is going to run smoothly without you doing anything about it, it definitely is a constant struggle no matter what, and the struggle is well worth it. A lot of people do a lot of things that constantly damage their relationships, a lot of people don’t do a lot of things that have the same effect, it’s all about knowing the person you’re with, knowing them and “understanding” them to a level where you minimize your chances of damaging them, you are still bound to make mistakes no matter how hard you try not to, but this article is going to help you make less mistakes. Let’s begin.
1. Showering them with gifts as an excuse to hide your problems
Money can not buy love, not even a little bit. If it can, it’s not love, it’s something very superficial that’s probably going to die in a while. If you make a mistake, if you have to hide something from your partner, don’t try making up for it by showering them with gifts. Talk about it, own up to your mistakes, do not try masking your problems and emotions by showering your partner with gifts and other things.
2. Being more jealous than needed
Jealousy is one of the biggest causes of breakups. We all have insecurities, it’s always best to fight those insecurities, with or without your partner’s help. Do not let a small insecurity develop into something big, so big that it leads to fights and problems. I’ve been there, I let my jealousy get the best of me which caused a lot of pain in the end because I was left with nothing but a weird feeling of weakness. It’s alright to be jealous, it’s only human to be a little insecure and feel jealousy regardless of the reason, the point here is to fight that jealousy.
Trust your partner enough that even your jealousy stands no chance against that trust. Because we are nothing without trust, your relationship needs to be based on a strong layer of trust.
3. Thinking your partner is your “life”
I’ve done this before and it definitely did not end well. You just cannot make someone the center of your universe. When you give someone this position, you’re putting them in a very dangerous place where they have to think a hundred times before making a move, because they might make a mistake and your entire universe would turn around in a second. Give your partner their own space and live your own life without thinking of them before every single decision you take.
I’m not saying don’t involve your partner at all, give them the power to be a part of your decisions but just “be a part” of them and not be the entire reason behind them. You love them more than anything in the world, but you do NOT love them more than yourself.
4. Giving them ultimatums
Nobody loves ultimatums, especially emotional ultimatums. My girlfriend gave me one long time back when she wanted me to start a healthy lifestyle and go to the gym, she told me I need to start going or she will stop meeting me and hanging out with me. What did that do to me? I didn’t go to the gym, because I never wanted to do it under pressure or under fear of losing someone, and hearing that from her made me pretty sad inside because she knew it would affect me if she took our time and put it under a microscope. Do NOT give ultimatums, use your love and kind words if you want your partner to do something for you or for themselves.
Ultimatums in relationships are a horrible form of emotional blackmail, they may just seem like mere words but they hurt deeper than you can imagine. Do not use emotional blackmail with the person you love.
5. Being mysterious / keeping feelings pent up inside
As I’ve mentioned earlier, your thoughts are yours alone and no one has the power to get into your mind and dig out what’s happening in there. You need to speak your feelings out, it’s very damaging to keep something negative inside in hopes of your partner realising it on their own, because they won’t. Don’t make them play the guessing game, don’t make them go through the fear and the constant hopes of you opening up to them someday or maybe blowing up entirely because you kept so much inside. If something is bothering you, even the slightest, talk it out. Don’t worry about how big or small the issue is, it’s always wise to just talk it out and be done with it now rather than having a huge quarrel about it later when they think everything is fine.
It hurts the most when you think you’re “content and okay” with your partner when it’s the complete opposite situation in their head. It hurts a lot when you suddenly realise that what you thought was wrong, that your partner isn’t happy with you even though they looked happy and content. Wouldn’t you like to just talk it out rather than waiting for a miracle to happen? Don’t keep anything pent up inside, it will only turn into aggression one day.
6. Don’t keep a list of mistakes
A lot of you would be nodding your heads in disagreement right now but this is very true to everyone, no matter how much we love the other person we are still bound to make a very small list in our heads, a list of mistakes they’ve made, the point here is NOT to do that. Just like you, your partner is human, and they will hurt you at some point without even realising it. The strength here comes into play when you forgive and forget, most of us say they’ve forgiven and forgotten but we don’t, we still keep a small memory of those events hidden somewhere deep inside of our heads.
These things can go from being really small to really big. How about that one time when your partner forgot to do something you asked them to, or that one time your partner did something you told them not to? Do you know the reasoning behind it? Do you know exactly what was going on in their heads at that very moment? You don’t. None of us can get into the minds of our partners and we shouldn’t have to either, give them enough space and confidence to make their own mistakes without the fear of you keeping tabs on those mistakes. To er is indeed human, to forgive is indeed divine.
That’s about it for this one, I hope you’ve learned something from this article. If you guys think I missed out something in this list, comment your part in the comments section below. As always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
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