Insecurities are natural and acceptable to an extent. But when you’ve been in a relationship long enough, there shouldn’t be any room left for them. They tend to make you needy and fussy. Even if your partner isn’t planning on leaving you, you might possibly be driving them away. Even though you think that it’s something they are or they aren’t doing that gives rise to these insecurities, it’s only you that conjures up all these negative thoughts. So it’s because of YOU and not them (in most cases), that you feel the way you do.
If you’re feeling insecure, here are a few things that you could do to possibly rid yourself of this dilemma:
1. Stop jumping to conclusions
They’re running late and haven’t called you; they must be with someone else. They haven’t been spending much time at home; they probably don’t want to be around you. And so many other scenarios where you don’t even consider any other possibility except for the worst. If they haven’t called, you could call them, and if they aren’t answering maybe they’re driving or something. If they haven’t been spending much time at home it could be because they’ve other things to tend to. Instead of expecting the most terrible, just ask them and stop bothering yourself over nothing.
2. Stop living in the past
Even if your previous relationships didn’t work out the way you wanted them to, history doesn’t necessarily have to repeat itself. You are a different person now, you know better and you’re in relationship with a different person as well. If you’ve learnt from your mistakes, then you need not worry. But if you keep expecting the worst to happen, you might actually cause it. Give your present relationship a chance to grow, rather than constantly doubting its stability and future.
3. An argument doesn’t necessarily mean the end of a relationship
Arguments are inevitable in any kind of relationship. In fact, the more you hold someone dear, the more sensitive you become to everything pertaining to them. You tend to be emotional and may end up arguing very often. But an argument doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship. You can always make up! Keep your emotions in check and deal with the situation as calmly as possible, and you’ll find a way out of it.
4. Know your worth
One of the most powerful ways to curb with insecurities is to acknowledge your worth. As long as you’re sure that you’re irreplaceable, you won’t be as worried about them finding someone else. If you’re confident that you’re a keeper, you’ll act like it. And they’d also see it.
Focus on all the things they’re doing for you, that should also reassure you that they want to be with you.
5. Don’t create problems that don’t exist
Insecurities set us off looking for problems that are not even there. If they’re not speaking as much as they used to, you think it’s because they don’t like talking to you anymore. You complain that they have lost interest in you which might possibly result in an unnecessary argument. You tend to pick fights with them for no apparent reason. Anyone would find this annoying and can only put up with it so long. And in due time, the only thing you would’ve achieved by this is, pushing them away.
6. Jealousy shouldn’t even exist in your dictionary
You both have friends and co-workers from the opposite sex. Regardless of how attractive they are, your partner’s relationship with them is strictly platonic. And you should understand that rather than constantly worrying yourself over it. Trust your partner to uphold the sanctity of your relationship.
7. Talk about your fears
Rather than keeping your fears to yourself and allowing them to grow, pour them out to your partner. This will keep you from acting rashly on your fears and save you from damaging your relationship in any way. Don’t be afraid to let everything out, they won’t judge you. Relationships enable you to be your true-self at least in front of your partner. They’d love you despite your insecurities. They could actually help you get over them.
8. Have a life outside of your relationship
Make friends, hang out with them. Go see your family. No couple can be together every single minute. We all need our space. When they’re not with you, it gives you a chance to be with yourself most importantly and also with other people in your life. This helps you get your mind off your partner and their whereabouts and activities. And as long as you’re not thinking about what they would be doing in your absence, there will be no insecurities.
9. Switch focus from the negative to the positive
No relationship is perfect. The two of you aren’t perfect, so you can’t expect your relationship to be perfect either. You’re going to have to constantly make it better. Instead of complaining about what’s missing, start focusing on the good things. They love you, they treat you well, and they prioritise you and make time for you. These are only a few of the many things they must be doing for you. Appreciate their efforts. Also reflect on what you’re doing to make the relationship stronger and what more can you do.
If you keep expecting the worst, it will eventually find its way to you. Start being positive. Don’t focus on the million things that could go wrong; instead focus on the things that could go right and make them happen. Trust your partner. Love them unconditionally. Have faith in yourself to face the difficulties in your relationship. And finally don’t let your fears ruin what could be potentially the best thing that could ever happen to you!