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Twisted Love


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Hi, there. It took me a long time to decide to reach out for help on line and I have been struggling within for weeks and start to feel kinda helpless lately.
Here’s the thing: I met an American guy four months ago (I’m an Asian girl) via an online platform when I first moved in the city. We started hanging out together and found ourselves had a super huge crush on each other.Though the milieus of our life were so much different,( he’s the youngest one in his family and his sisiters are at least 7 years older than him and managed to be independent quite early, and I’m the only child in my home living a pampered life) we share an incredible similar value of life, and tons of same hobbies.We often broke into the local park in the middle of the night and talked till the morning and never got tired. But days after, during our first date he mistook me for seeing other guys concurrently (which I never did) and suddenly told me it was a bad idea for us to be together. I was desperate and heartbroken and we didn’t see each again for weeks until one day he called on me to “check on me”.

He said he couldn’t offer me anything mentally but till want to be friends, I couldn’t resist the chance of seeing him again so I agreed. We started very carefully, and he never crossed the line and I kinda believe that he’s just notthat into me . But months later , one day after having a few shots at a bar at 2 am he asked to have a sleepover at my home. We made out that night but didn’t have sex coz he said he could only have sex with the committed one. The whole night seems to be the catharsis of how he missed me and fell for me but just couldn’t make a move. From that day on, we were kinda in limbo , I persuaded myself it was the best outcome that I can get so far while struggling inside for wanting more. Even though I knew that he couldn’t afford a future for me (he was in debt applying for visa and master degree) and I’m at the age of 24 with a lot of possiblities of meeting the “better one”, I still live with a hope that if we could make it, there’s gotta be a way to figure out everything else because we found each other.

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