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2 Comments

  1. Hi, there. It took me a long time to decide to reach out for help on line and I have been struggling within for weeks and start to feel kinda helpless lately.
    Here’s the thing: I met an American guy four months ago(I’m an Asian girl) via an online platform when I first moved in the city. We started hanging out together and found ourselves had a super huge crush on each other.Though the milieus of our life were so much different,( he’s the youngest one in his family and his sisiters are at least 7 years older than him and managed to be independent quite early, and I’m the only child in my home living a pampered life) we share an incredible similar value of life, and tons of same hobbies.We often broke into the local park in the middle of the night and talked till the mornin and never got tired. But days after, during our first date he mistook me for seeing other guys concurretly (which I never did) and suddenly told me it was a bad idea for us to be together. I was desperate and heartbroken and we didn’t see each again for weeks until one day he called on me to “check on me”.He said he couldn’t offer me anything mentally but till want to be friends, I couldn’t resist the chance of seeing him again so I agreed. We started very carefully, and he never crossed the line and I kinda believe that he’s just notthat into me . But months later , one day after having a few shots at a bar at 2 am he asked to have a sleepover at my home. We made out that night but didn’t have sex coz he said he could only have sex with the commited one. The whole night seems to be the catharsis of how he missed me and fell for me but just couldn’t make a move. From that day on, we were kinda in limbo , I persuaded myself it was the best outcome that I can get so far while struggling inside for wanting more. Even though I knew that he couldn’t afford a future for me (he was in debt applying for visa and master degree) and I’m at the age of 24 with a lot of possiblities of meeting the “better one”, I still live with a hope that if we could make it, there’s gotta be a way to figure out everything else because we found each other. While 3 weeks ago at the bar, he suddenly told me that he couldn’t see me any more cause he thinks it was like taking advantage of me and wasn’t fair for me , how he was regretting everyday about the decision of “being friends”.Out of my expectation ,he told me he was molested when he was 7 by a family member and he spent his rest of the days keeping the “one” away from his nephew , and how his ex Korean gf cheated on him for 2 years when he believed at that time he had found the true love, and how he felt insecure around me , didn’t even know that if I do want to stay with him or just beacuse he’s a white man.
    I felt terrible that night, wish there’s something I could do but he refused me with a “don’t forget I lost someone,too”. It seems to him that I’m the “popular one” who could find anybody to be with.
    But for me, I never met someone that I have so much chemistry with, even these days I tried to be more social and started meeting new people, there’s a constant illusion that he might appear just at the corner. The truth is, from the moment I met him, he’s been living in my mind and I can’t get it out.
    Thanks for the patience of reading it through. The whold time he was saying that he don’t trust me and I just couldn’t relate cause apparently I was the one who got hurt so bad. He’s defensing and buffering and building walls and all I want is simply spending more time that maybe one day he would finaly get off his insecurities and giving more.
    I really don’t know how to deal with the feelings and was so afraid that I might lose “the one” cause it was so rare to me.
    Could you give me any advice and if there’s anyhing I could do to rebuild the relationship and steer around? Look forward to your kind reply !
    Irene

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